Running therapy

I started this morning missing Alistair and Andrew. My nest has emptied rather more quickly than I had hoped and I was just feeling it a bit this morning. But I found a lovely picture of the two of them which reminded me of the funny moments we used to have on our many holidays.

So my cheerfulness restored I headed off to work. I was visiting students that I haven't seen this term and got a lovely surprise when one of them answered the door to me very pregnant!!! She wasn't the last time I saw her. So after two lovely visits I headed home and decided as it was very sunny I would take myself up into the hills. My marathon training usually consists of lots and lots of road running but for this trail ultra in April all the advice I have been given is to get up into the hills and build up my strength. So woolly hat on, gloves, thermal and addidas Kanadia's and I was ready to hit the Pentlands running. 

I passed a runner coming down off the hill who gave me a big cheery hello as I ran past. Then I spoke to a nice wee man who told me it was really terribly windy up the top of the hill. A few moments later just before I got to Charlie's Loup I passed a whole group of school kids all trudging down the hill in the regulation huge red jackets, dodgy green waterproof trousers and woolly hats all courtesy of the outdoor education dept! The only people who looked happy to be on that walk were the teachers - an afternoon out of the school obviously was worth being with sullen teenagers for! 

Got to Charlie's Loup and the wind got up as I turned into the valley and ran up the hill. Sun was still shining though. Quick stop for a wee selfie...

Then it was down to the hard work. Big hill to get up. Ran/walked it, especially the steep bits as my wee legs would just not go any faster. Spoke to the sheep as I was getting up the hill, they did look at me as if I was a wee bit bonkers - not sure why. Maybe it was because I was enjoying running up this silly steep hill!

As you can see the sun wasn't shining on this bit of the hill and it was suddenly absolutely freezing. I began to wonder if the wee man at the bottom of the hill might be right as the wind did seem to be getting up a bit the further up the hill I went. But on I went. Got to the saddle between Carnethy and Scald Law and stopped for a second to decided whether I was going to go onto the top of Carnethy or not. It was a lot windier at this point of the hill but I turned to Carnethy and well how could I resist?

I did a quick time check, only 2.15pm - loads of time to get back down before it starts to get dark. Decision made, I was going to go onto the top of Carnethy. Blooming heck it was windy. The closer I got to the summit the windier it got. To the point that just short of the top I thought I was going to have to turn back as I could hardly move forward, but the sun was still shining. And then, there was snow!!! Only for a bit but it was definitely there. Then some low cloud started rolling in, but I thought I am nearly there, not giving the summit up now. 

Finally, got to the top. And it was so windy I could hardly stand up. I couldn't even take a picture from the top as my phone camera kept switching off, clearly didn't like the wind. Wild as it was it was exhilarating to be way up there with the wind whirling round me. The view was great, I could see all the way out to East Lothian, Midlothian, Fife and Edinburgh. There were even some of the big mountains way over near Stirling could be seen. But the clouds were hovering and it was so windy I was struggling to stand up. Time to get back down I think. Easier said than done! As I started to descend the wind was at it's strongest. I was having to work really hard to stay upright and I could feel my face getting colder by the minute and it was blowing about like James Bond's did in whatever film it was. Get me off this hill! Still quite good fun though.

Finally, blown back down to the path I got out of the wind and into the shelter of the hill. And yep the sheep were still there looking at me as if I was daft.

The downhill bit was great, the path is pretty good on the way back and you can fling yourself down the hill fairly fast (even for me) which is exactly what I did. Back into the sunshine I stopped for a moment to take a picture of Carnethy. Gorgeous.

I started my day missing Alistair, and I've ended it realising that whilst my life has changed dramatically there are still thrills and adventures to be had in my life. It just takes me to get up and do it rather than sitting about moping. This is just what Alistair would have wanted me to do, I know that for sure. Being outside in the elements, experiencing the thrill of running up the hills is my therapy. It is the thing that will get me through this sad time. Alistair loved Carnethy and I could feel him up there with me. 

Life is for living, and this is me getting on with life the only way I know how.

Happy Feet!

Don't worry, be happy :)

Prizes and great training.

This week has been not too bad all told. The week started with an email from Lord Fetch telling me that I had won a prize in the Fetch Festive Calendar. I won a great Gore Running Top worth £70 whoop whoop!!!

Then today I went out for a brilliant 7 miles with my running pal Alastair Scott (aka Scotty). The good thing about running with people who are faster than you is that they make you run really hard. I am not sure if he felt he was running that hard but I was bloody knackered.

So starting at the car park at Flotterstone on a lovely sunny afternoon,

we headed up 3.5 miles up to the Howe. The water in the reservoir was both really deep and very choppy. I was working very hard and at one point did have to say that I would talk when we got to the flat bit. I was using up all the breath I had to run up the hill, never mind talk. However, it is a tough wee hill but a great feeling when you hit the flat bit and see the reservoir.

I always see that run in two sections. The first bit is up to the end of the first reservoir and then the second bit is the end of the second reservoir. By the time we got up to the top bit the setting sun was peeking out around the hillside. We did have a bit of a laugh whilst Alastair tried to decided whether he was looking at the sun or the moon. Doesn't get out in the daylight much!!!

Stopped at the Howe to take some photos, can you tell that Alastair doesn't like getting his picture taken MUCH!

After that having pushed our way up the hill through the wind I announced that I would not be happy if it didn't turn around with us. But thankfully it did, that brings with it more problems, like my legs were going to fast for my body!!! 

I am pretty sure we ran a negative split, and I think it might have been deliberate!! I did notice that Alastair kept checking his watch and was pushing on, getting faster each time he looked at his watch. I knew what he was up to but hung on in there. I will get faster!!

Finally in the last mile, I knew he was pushing me to run hard. I was nearly passing out with the effort. But we got to the finish and he announced with glee that we had done just over a 9 minute mile!!! Not bad.

So this week has not been bad at all and mostly it is down to Fetcheveryone. A most excellent prize and a good friend who I met through Fetch, who has his own trials to deal with, but who always has time to listen to my tales of woe (and I hope he thinks I listen too, as I try to even though I can't begin to understand what he has to deal with). Running is so much more than just exercise. It is really helping me deal with what has happened to us and having everyone join us in Team Ali is just amazing.

There are loads of us doing the Great Winter Run this weekend in Holyrood Park so if you are around please pop down and cheer us on. And if you are heading out for your own training this weekend whether running, walking or hopping please know that I am so proud of everyone who is taking on their own challenge to help raise money for Cancer Research. One day very clever scientists (maybe Andrew!) will find ways of getting ahead of Cancer and saving a few more lives. 

don't worry, be happy :)

Ultra madness and McBusted.

Where to start? The last few weeks, months have been quite frankly horrible. My dear, darling husband as most of you will know now died on the 25 November leaving us with a huge hole in our hearts and lives. A hole which may never or we may never want to fill. People keep saying to me that I am so strong and so brave and many are worrying that I am not crying enough. I am not strong, I am not trying to be brave and believe me there have been buckets cried in the comfort of my own home and occasionally on the run. My strength is coming from the bravery that my wonderful husband showed through his illness. I cannot even imagine being told what he was told and then so bravely dealt with chemotherapy and the inevitable outcome. If he could be that brave under such dire circumstances then I too can draw on that strength to get through my life without him. I am getting up each day and can hear him saying "Right, that's it, I'm deid, get on with it!". Alistair was not one for dwelling on what had happened but what could happen next. 

So with Team Ali (Race for Life) building in numbers day by day, I needed to find a challenge that would keep Alistair's spirit alive.  Later on in the day yet another post popped up on facebook for McBusted! Rhona does do a good line in puppy dog eyes and hey presto we are heading to Glasgow to see McBusted in May (may well live to regret that decision). So that was my Keswick Triathlon out of the window as we will be in Glasgow with millions of screaming girls. But it was worth giving it up to see Rhona excited about something again. Then my mind wandered back to the Ultra that Ali had jokingly entered me in before he died (to give me something to do!). So that was that if there is one thing that I have learned from the terrible tragedy which has struck our young family is that Carpe Diem is not just a neat phrase used in films. Eeeek - so now I have the huge task of bringing together Team Ali in June whilst training for a 50k run in April. It's only another 4 miles on top of a marathon - how hard can it be????

Running really helps me to deal with the shit that life throws at me and I know, as did Alistair, that running would get me through this. Alistair made me promise that I would never give up my running, and that I would keep challenging myself and that I should always do my races with him in my heart. So when I am aching and can't go another step you better be there Ali with words of wisdom (or your usual brand of tough love - along the lines of "get on with it, you entered the damn thing").

So training today consisted of a 4 mile run this morning (quite tough legs a bit stiff) and then 2 miles with Rhona for her 10K challenge. 6 miles in total - only 24 to go!!!!!

I have no idea how to train for an Ultra but so far my Fetchie friends have told me that it is like training for a marathon with back to back training sessions and a few more miles. So look out for my training blogs full of my tales of woe and adventure!

don't worry, be happy :)

Getting my legs going again..

Went back to my marathon training schedule today. It has been a bit all over the place for the last two weeks but with only Alistair to worry about now I thought I'd get back to the plan and see if I could pick up where I should be. So having missed my last long run last weekend, but confident that I have a 20 miler under my belt I went out for the 6 mile run that was the start of my taper week. And here is how it went...

First mile was through the woods and it is funny how all year I have been running through all the seasons but because I have missed a week or so running, summer appears to have turned in autumn...

This is probably my favourite time of year for running as I just love playing with my inner child and swooshing through the leaves!!! What I don't really like though is the chilly wind that makes your ears and your hands cold. Noticed that around 2 and a half miles as I was pushing through the wind up the big long hill.

I didn't run up this hill, just alongside it!

So I slogged my way up the hill to the main road. Now as graffiti goes, I don't really care one way or another. Good or bad graffiti doesn't really bother me. But this piece of art really does make me smile every time I see it. And it is right at the end of a long 3 mile hill, I look forward to having a giggle every time.

I was running into the wind the whole way, it was freezing and really hard work. All that kept me going was the hope that it would blow me all the way back when I turned around. Not on your nelly duff! Was as blooming hard on the way back as it was on the way out. WHAT is that all about?

But 6 miles done and whilst I was tired (well it has been a hell of a week or two) I managed it, can still feel the strength in my legs and my mind (which is probably the most important bit for the marathon). My hamstrings are very tight but I reckon that is down to sitting in the car driving to the hospital instead of running. But that can soon be sorted with some stretching and it started when I got back (much to Rhona's entertainment!).

left leg stretched...

That's the right one done...

Can't imagine why Rhona found it funny, it was blinking agony from my side of the bus!!!!

I've had lovely offers of help to run with me on my marathon and I am really chuffed. I really wanted to do this run for Alistair because I don't want him to feel that his stay in hospital has ruined a summer of training for me. And you know what 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles regardless of whether you do it on your own, with a few friends or with thousands of people. I don't need a t-shirt, blingy medals or a bag of crap which goes in the bucket after you have half eaten the dodgy health bar, threw out the sachets of face cream and vouchers for stuff you will never buy. What matters is the distance and you! How you meet the challenge and how the challenge meets you! I want to show my Alistair how strong I can be for him and how much I admire the way he deals with the challenges that he has to face. 26.2 miles is no where near what he has to deal with. 

Alistair may or may not be there in person, depending on whether he gets out or not but I know he will be there with me in spirit and he can just move over and let me lie down for a bit after it (if we pull the curtains the nurses will never know, might even put me on a drip if I look knackered enough!!

So to those who have offered to run with me, an enormous thanks and I will put up timings for where I will be when (approximately) so that you can join me wherever you want to.

Let the taper madness begin...

don't worry, be happy :)

Latest update...

This has been an odd sort of week, and at times a little stressful. Rhona's exchange pupil was very young and absolutely lovely but cried virtually all week because she was missing her family. Whilst she had a small grasp of English our Czech was limited to "Ahoy" (hello) and "Dobra" (good - I think?) which made for difficult conversation and a lot of uncomfortable silences. However, this morning at 11.20am in the pouring rain and howling rain we waved goodbye to her. Rhona and I both looked at each other and commented on how instantly relaxed but puggled we felt now that she was away. It was a real shame because she arrived in the middle of our family storm, Andy leaving, Ali being in hospital and just me and Rhona in the house. But we did have a nice day with her yesterday in Edinburgh so hopefully she has some nice memories to take home with her.

So, once we waved Adela off we headed for Tesco, got our shopping and then headed home for lunch. Rhona made Alistair some (enormous) empire biscuits.

Then we took ourselves into the hospital to see Alistair. It is Alistair and I's 23rd wedding anniversary today and I was determined to make something of it, because being apart on our anniversary sucks enough without it just being another day in the hospital. So we took flowers (which I had to bring home as you are not allowed flowers in hospital any more), nice fizzy juice (can't really drink wine when he is on strong antibiotics), champagne flutes (well plastic ones) and our cards. We had as nice a time as you can when you are separated by a hospital bed!

After our visit to Alistair, Rhona and I were discussing how we were really tired and needed to chill out. I said I was going to go for a short run to try and relax the stress out of my shoulders and just remind my legs how to run. She said she would come with me but on her bike. So that is what we did. 2 and a half miles with me running and Rhona scooting about everywhere on her bike. It was bloody brilliant! Just what was needed. Whilst I was running I began planning my marathon in my head. My start at Cramond and then the turn around at Musselburgh. What fuel I was going to take, where I could pick up water, shops on the way etc. Started thinking about time splits for my willing helpers and anyone else who can be bothered popping out to see me. I may or may not have Alistair out of the hospital to come and help me with my marathon. But it is for him that I am doing it and I will blog the heck out of my marathon day to record it. 

I am going to go out for about 10 miles tomorrow (run to Roslin) to get the legs running again. I can still feel the distance in them, but they are a bit stiff having not done much this week but it won't take much to get them going again.

It is amazing how life can throw loads of shit at you but eventually it all clears and you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Alistair still has no release date but he is getting better and I am so impressed by his resilience and strength. I know he will be back up and biking before we know where we are.

Oh and I have entered the Glasgow Half Marathon to satisfy my magpie tendencies for bling! For once I will be well and truly trained up for the Glasgow Half, normally I am winging it by September!

don't worry, be happy :)

26.2 for Boris and Doris

Our little family has been through a tough few weeks. It started when Alistair ended up back in the hospital just before Andrew moved out to his flat in Edinburgh. Then both Rhona and I ended up with colds. Poor Alistair missed out on moving Andy into his flat and Andy missed having his Dad helping him. He had to put up with me, Rhona, Grandma and Grandad. Grandma almost moved him into the wrong flat and was merrily introducing herself to a lovely student who wasn't in fact one of Andrew's new flat mates (they were in the wrong flat with Andy and I watching them from the door of the right one!!). Then Alistair's infection completely flared up and he has been in the hospital on antibiotics ever since (ten days ago). Meanwhile Rhona and I were preparing for her Czech Republic exchange pupil to come and stay (bad timing). She arrived on Tuesday and the poor girl has cried for her Mum ever since. Rhona is weary trying to help her out, I am weary visiting Ali, comforting Rhona and her friend. Poor Alistair is still stuck in hospital looking remarkably healthy amongst three men who look like they are on their last legs. Andrew, thankfully is having a ball at Uni. Getting drunk, not sleeping and eating pizza. The perfect freshers week!

I miss Alistair very much, I miss him making me laugh, I miss his moaning about the dishwasher being badly filled, his bad jokes and him saying "that's your tea, you've had it" and lots more. Rhona has been a rock through all of this and has only really gotten emotional this week and that is more about the emotional stress she has been under with her visitor. Friends on facebook, fetch and at work have been there for me and I am forever grateful especially my friends at work who have stepped in and let me be off to get myself together again. Without you all this would have been an even tougher week.

Those of you who know I run will know that I have been frantically training for the Loch Ness Marathon which is in two weeks time. I was just heading into my taper weeks when Alistair went into hospital. We held out hope that I might still be able to go to Inverness but now I know we won't be able to go. Even if Alistair does get out next week I am not making him go all the way to Inverness. So, after a spark of an idea last week I have decided that I am going to run an alternative marathon right here in Edinburgh on the same day. Here is the route:

http://gb.mapometer.com/running/route_3645303.html

I am planning to start at Cramond (wee coffee shop) at 9.30am and will hopefully be able to run it in around 5 - 5.30 hours. I was on for 5 hours but my last week's running has been minimal so not sure it will be the fastest run ever. I would really love it if you had a wee bit time to spare and could either come and join me for bits of the run, water and fuel stops, generally waving and cheering. Nearer the time I will post rough estimates on what times I will be where.

Why bother? Some may ask. Well, I spent a considerable amount of my training time with Vicki Wietz who was a performance artist in the Fringe running 26 marathons in  26 days. She became a real inspiration as she battled injuries, mental doubts and fatigue. She didn't need to get up at 4am every morning and then run up and down the royal mile 26 times everyday but she did because she made a promise to herself to complete her challenge. I follow Ingrid Kristiansen on Facebook who was my inspiration to start running many many years ago, and she still runs and is hugely active. And then there is my Alistair who is my biggest inspiration. He has dealt with haemophilia all his life and has met many challenges of his own. He is a 70.3 Ironman, has run a marathon, and taken part in lots of other challenges. He is my rock, I lean on him probably too much, but well he is a comfy lean! I admire how he has dealt with still having to take his factor regularly since his bleed 2 and a half years ago and now with how he is dealing with this stint in hospital. So why bother run this marathon? Well, I have trained for it, I am inspired by many people, and I made myself the promise to run 26.2 miles on the 29th September. I don't want to let Alistair down who always wants me to be strong and get on with life. He has helped me train for this marathon by picking me up at the end of runs, helping me work out my fueling and generally just keeping me motivated. So this one is for us. Boris and Doris.

Why Boris and Doris? Our secret!

So if you are around on the 29th pop along to some point on my route and run, shout, throw things at me, feed me, water me, whatever but I will be there at some point along the way. Coffee at the wee cafe for anyone who lasts with me to the end.

Love to Alistair and hurry up and get well and come home, we all miss you.

don't worry, be happy :)

Oh, and to satisfy my need for bling, I am going to enter the Glasgow Half Marathon! I can get there on the train myself!!!

Loch Ness Marathon training derailed.

My training for Loch Ness has ground to a halt. Alistair has ended up in hospital again. Fortunately,  it looks as if it might just be gall stones which have caused an infection. I say fortunately as it could have been worse and been more complication with his haemophilia. So for that I am grateful.

This has all happened just as I was coming to the last week of full on training before my taper. Andrew is leaving to go to University tomorrow, Alistair is still in hospital and we have our young visitor from the Czech Republic (Rhona's exchange pupil) coming on Tuesday. I have not managed to find time to go for a run since Alistair went into hospital. And to be honest I have not had the enthusiasm to make myself go out for a run. It is midnight and I am wide awake, I just can't sleep. I am anxious about Andy moving out and worried about Alistair still in the hospital. It is too much for my wee emotions to take. However, it is up to me to be the strong one and get on with it all. Andy has to go to Uni, Alistair has to be supported and Rhona needs me too (she is absolutely my rock just now making me tea just when I need it).

I am so awake I have done my ironing, tided the living room, changed my summer curtains to winter ones (it is really cold tonight), washed all the dishes and put them away, swept the kitchen floor and now I am typing my blog. Oh and watching Booze Patrol Australia on Watch (nothing else on).

I am not sure if I will be able to do Loch Ness, it just depends on what happens with Alistair and how long he takes to recover. But, I have decided I need to keep doing some training and then I can find some other run to use up my fitness. If I can't I might just go and do my own marathon somewhere. 26 miles of running somewhere. Would seem a waste not to use up the fitness I have built up.

So tomorrow morning, before we pack Andy off to his new flat (Mum and Dad are coming up to help) I am going to get up and go out for a five mile run. I am going to have to just hope that the 20 miles I did last weekend will be enough to get me around 26 miles because I am not going to manage to find time to do another long run.

Nessie might have to wait until next year. But I am not cancelling anything just yet. Will wait and see.

Anyway, got to go might actually be feeling a bit sleepy, finally. Quite possibly Booze Patrol Australia is putting me to sleep.

don't worry, be happy :)