Ultra madness and McBusted.

Where to start? The last few weeks, months have been quite frankly horrible. My dear, darling husband as most of you will know now died on the 25 November leaving us with a huge hole in our hearts and lives. A hole which may never or we may never want to fill. People keep saying to me that I am so strong and so brave and many are worrying that I am not crying enough. I am not strong, I am not trying to be brave and believe me there have been buckets cried in the comfort of my own home and occasionally on the run. My strength is coming from the bravery that my wonderful husband showed through his illness. I cannot even imagine being told what he was told and then so bravely dealt with chemotherapy and the inevitable outcome. If he could be that brave under such dire circumstances then I too can draw on that strength to get through my life without him. I am getting up each day and can hear him saying "Right, that's it, I'm deid, get on with it!". Alistair was not one for dwelling on what had happened but what could happen next. 

So with Team Ali (Race for Life) building in numbers day by day, I needed to find a challenge that would keep Alistair's spirit alive.  Later on in the day yet another post popped up on facebook for McBusted! Rhona does do a good line in puppy dog eyes and hey presto we are heading to Glasgow to see McBusted in May (may well live to regret that decision). So that was my Keswick Triathlon out of the window as we will be in Glasgow with millions of screaming girls. But it was worth giving it up to see Rhona excited about something again. Then my mind wandered back to the Ultra that Ali had jokingly entered me in before he died (to give me something to do!). So that was that if there is one thing that I have learned from the terrible tragedy which has struck our young family is that Carpe Diem is not just a neat phrase used in films. Eeeek - so now I have the huge task of bringing together Team Ali in June whilst training for a 50k run in April. It's only another 4 miles on top of a marathon - how hard can it be????

Running really helps me to deal with the shit that life throws at me and I know, as did Alistair, that running would get me through this. Alistair made me promise that I would never give up my running, and that I would keep challenging myself and that I should always do my races with him in my heart. So when I am aching and can't go another step you better be there Ali with words of wisdom (or your usual brand of tough love - along the lines of "get on with it, you entered the damn thing").

So training today consisted of a 4 mile run this morning (quite tough legs a bit stiff) and then 2 miles with Rhona for her 10K challenge. 6 miles in total - only 24 to go!!!!!

I have no idea how to train for an Ultra but so far my Fetchie friends have told me that it is like training for a marathon with back to back training sessions and a few more miles. So look out for my training blogs full of my tales of woe and adventure!

don't worry, be happy :)

Getting my legs going again..

Went back to my marathon training schedule today. It has been a bit all over the place for the last two weeks but with only Alistair to worry about now I thought I'd get back to the plan and see if I could pick up where I should be. So having missed my last long run last weekend, but confident that I have a 20 miler under my belt I went out for the 6 mile run that was the start of my taper week. And here is how it went...

First mile was through the woods and it is funny how all year I have been running through all the seasons but because I have missed a week or so running, summer appears to have turned in autumn...

This is probably my favourite time of year for running as I just love playing with my inner child and swooshing through the leaves!!! What I don't really like though is the chilly wind that makes your ears and your hands cold. Noticed that around 2 and a half miles as I was pushing through the wind up the big long hill.

I didn't run up this hill, just alongside it!

So I slogged my way up the hill to the main road. Now as graffiti goes, I don't really care one way or another. Good or bad graffiti doesn't really bother me. But this piece of art really does make me smile every time I see it. And it is right at the end of a long 3 mile hill, I look forward to having a giggle every time.

I was running into the wind the whole way, it was freezing and really hard work. All that kept me going was the hope that it would blow me all the way back when I turned around. Not on your nelly duff! Was as blooming hard on the way back as it was on the way out. WHAT is that all about?

But 6 miles done and whilst I was tired (well it has been a hell of a week or two) I managed it, can still feel the strength in my legs and my mind (which is probably the most important bit for the marathon). My hamstrings are very tight but I reckon that is down to sitting in the car driving to the hospital instead of running. But that can soon be sorted with some stretching and it started when I got back (much to Rhona's entertainment!).

left leg stretched...

That's the right one done...

Can't imagine why Rhona found it funny, it was blinking agony from my side of the bus!!!!

I've had lovely offers of help to run with me on my marathon and I am really chuffed. I really wanted to do this run for Alistair because I don't want him to feel that his stay in hospital has ruined a summer of training for me. And you know what 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles regardless of whether you do it on your own, with a few friends or with thousands of people. I don't need a t-shirt, blingy medals or a bag of crap which goes in the bucket after you have half eaten the dodgy health bar, threw out the sachets of face cream and vouchers for stuff you will never buy. What matters is the distance and you! How you meet the challenge and how the challenge meets you! I want to show my Alistair how strong I can be for him and how much I admire the way he deals with the challenges that he has to face. 26.2 miles is no where near what he has to deal with. 

Alistair may or may not be there in person, depending on whether he gets out or not but I know he will be there with me in spirit and he can just move over and let me lie down for a bit after it (if we pull the curtains the nurses will never know, might even put me on a drip if I look knackered enough!!

So to those who have offered to run with me, an enormous thanks and I will put up timings for where I will be when (approximately) so that you can join me wherever you want to.

Let the taper madness begin...

don't worry, be happy :)

Latest update...

This has been an odd sort of week, and at times a little stressful. Rhona's exchange pupil was very young and absolutely lovely but cried virtually all week because she was missing her family. Whilst she had a small grasp of English our Czech was limited to "Ahoy" (hello) and "Dobra" (good - I think?) which made for difficult conversation and a lot of uncomfortable silences. However, this morning at 11.20am in the pouring rain and howling rain we waved goodbye to her. Rhona and I both looked at each other and commented on how instantly relaxed but puggled we felt now that she was away. It was a real shame because she arrived in the middle of our family storm, Andy leaving, Ali being in hospital and just me and Rhona in the house. But we did have a nice day with her yesterday in Edinburgh so hopefully she has some nice memories to take home with her.

So, once we waved Adela off we headed for Tesco, got our shopping and then headed home for lunch. Rhona made Alistair some (enormous) empire biscuits.

Then we took ourselves into the hospital to see Alistair. It is Alistair and I's 23rd wedding anniversary today and I was determined to make something of it, because being apart on our anniversary sucks enough without it just being another day in the hospital. So we took flowers (which I had to bring home as you are not allowed flowers in hospital any more), nice fizzy juice (can't really drink wine when he is on strong antibiotics), champagne flutes (well plastic ones) and our cards. We had as nice a time as you can when you are separated by a hospital bed!

After our visit to Alistair, Rhona and I were discussing how we were really tired and needed to chill out. I said I was going to go for a short run to try and relax the stress out of my shoulders and just remind my legs how to run. She said she would come with me but on her bike. So that is what we did. 2 and a half miles with me running and Rhona scooting about everywhere on her bike. It was bloody brilliant! Just what was needed. Whilst I was running I began planning my marathon in my head. My start at Cramond and then the turn around at Musselburgh. What fuel I was going to take, where I could pick up water, shops on the way etc. Started thinking about time splits for my willing helpers and anyone else who can be bothered popping out to see me. I may or may not have Alistair out of the hospital to come and help me with my marathon. But it is for him that I am doing it and I will blog the heck out of my marathon day to record it. 

I am going to go out for about 10 miles tomorrow (run to Roslin) to get the legs running again. I can still feel the distance in them, but they are a bit stiff having not done much this week but it won't take much to get them going again.

It is amazing how life can throw loads of shit at you but eventually it all clears and you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Alistair still has no release date but he is getting better and I am so impressed by his resilience and strength. I know he will be back up and biking before we know where we are.

Oh and I have entered the Glasgow Half Marathon to satisfy my magpie tendencies for bling! For once I will be well and truly trained up for the Glasgow Half, normally I am winging it by September!

don't worry, be happy :)

26.2 for Boris and Doris

Our little family has been through a tough few weeks. It started when Alistair ended up back in the hospital just before Andrew moved out to his flat in Edinburgh. Then both Rhona and I ended up with colds. Poor Alistair missed out on moving Andy into his flat and Andy missed having his Dad helping him. He had to put up with me, Rhona, Grandma and Grandad. Grandma almost moved him into the wrong flat and was merrily introducing herself to a lovely student who wasn't in fact one of Andrew's new flat mates (they were in the wrong flat with Andy and I watching them from the door of the right one!!). Then Alistair's infection completely flared up and he has been in the hospital on antibiotics ever since (ten days ago). Meanwhile Rhona and I were preparing for her Czech Republic exchange pupil to come and stay (bad timing). She arrived on Tuesday and the poor girl has cried for her Mum ever since. Rhona is weary trying to help her out, I am weary visiting Ali, comforting Rhona and her friend. Poor Alistair is still stuck in hospital looking remarkably healthy amongst three men who look like they are on their last legs. Andrew, thankfully is having a ball at Uni. Getting drunk, not sleeping and eating pizza. The perfect freshers week!

I miss Alistair very much, I miss him making me laugh, I miss his moaning about the dishwasher being badly filled, his bad jokes and him saying "that's your tea, you've had it" and lots more. Rhona has been a rock through all of this and has only really gotten emotional this week and that is more about the emotional stress she has been under with her visitor. Friends on facebook, fetch and at work have been there for me and I am forever grateful especially my friends at work who have stepped in and let me be off to get myself together again. Without you all this would have been an even tougher week.

Those of you who know I run will know that I have been frantically training for the Loch Ness Marathon which is in two weeks time. I was just heading into my taper weeks when Alistair went into hospital. We held out hope that I might still be able to go to Inverness but now I know we won't be able to go. Even if Alistair does get out next week I am not making him go all the way to Inverness. So, after a spark of an idea last week I have decided that I am going to run an alternative marathon right here in Edinburgh on the same day. Here is the route:

http://gb.mapometer.com/running/route_3645303.html

I am planning to start at Cramond (wee coffee shop) at 9.30am and will hopefully be able to run it in around 5 - 5.30 hours. I was on for 5 hours but my last week's running has been minimal so not sure it will be the fastest run ever. I would really love it if you had a wee bit time to spare and could either come and join me for bits of the run, water and fuel stops, generally waving and cheering. Nearer the time I will post rough estimates on what times I will be where.

Why bother? Some may ask. Well, I spent a considerable amount of my training time with Vicki Wietz who was a performance artist in the Fringe running 26 marathons in  26 days. She became a real inspiration as she battled injuries, mental doubts and fatigue. She didn't need to get up at 4am every morning and then run up and down the royal mile 26 times everyday but she did because she made a promise to herself to complete her challenge. I follow Ingrid Kristiansen on Facebook who was my inspiration to start running many many years ago, and she still runs and is hugely active. And then there is my Alistair who is my biggest inspiration. He has dealt with haemophilia all his life and has met many challenges of his own. He is a 70.3 Ironman, has run a marathon, and taken part in lots of other challenges. He is my rock, I lean on him probably too much, but well he is a comfy lean! I admire how he has dealt with still having to take his factor regularly since his bleed 2 and a half years ago and now with how he is dealing with this stint in hospital. So why bother run this marathon? Well, I have trained for it, I am inspired by many people, and I made myself the promise to run 26.2 miles on the 29th September. I don't want to let Alistair down who always wants me to be strong and get on with life. He has helped me train for this marathon by picking me up at the end of runs, helping me work out my fueling and generally just keeping me motivated. So this one is for us. Boris and Doris.

Why Boris and Doris? Our secret!

So if you are around on the 29th pop along to some point on my route and run, shout, throw things at me, feed me, water me, whatever but I will be there at some point along the way. Coffee at the wee cafe for anyone who lasts with me to the end.

Love to Alistair and hurry up and get well and come home, we all miss you.

don't worry, be happy :)

Oh, and to satisfy my need for bling, I am going to enter the Glasgow Half Marathon! I can get there on the train myself!!!

Loch Ness Marathon training derailed.

My training for Loch Ness has ground to a halt. Alistair has ended up in hospital again. Fortunately,  it looks as if it might just be gall stones which have caused an infection. I say fortunately as it could have been worse and been more complication with his haemophilia. So for that I am grateful.

This has all happened just as I was coming to the last week of full on training before my taper. Andrew is leaving to go to University tomorrow, Alistair is still in hospital and we have our young visitor from the Czech Republic (Rhona's exchange pupil) coming on Tuesday. I have not managed to find time to go for a run since Alistair went into hospital. And to be honest I have not had the enthusiasm to make myself go out for a run. It is midnight and I am wide awake, I just can't sleep. I am anxious about Andy moving out and worried about Alistair still in the hospital. It is too much for my wee emotions to take. However, it is up to me to be the strong one and get on with it all. Andy has to go to Uni, Alistair has to be supported and Rhona needs me too (she is absolutely my rock just now making me tea just when I need it).

I am so awake I have done my ironing, tided the living room, changed my summer curtains to winter ones (it is really cold tonight), washed all the dishes and put them away, swept the kitchen floor and now I am typing my blog. Oh and watching Booze Patrol Australia on Watch (nothing else on).

I am not sure if I will be able to do Loch Ness, it just depends on what happens with Alistair and how long he takes to recover. But, I have decided I need to keep doing some training and then I can find some other run to use up my fitness. If I can't I might just go and do my own marathon somewhere. 26 miles of running somewhere. Would seem a waste not to use up the fitness I have built up.

So tomorrow morning, before we pack Andy off to his new flat (Mum and Dad are coming up to help) I am going to get up and go out for a five mile run. I am going to have to just hope that the 20 miles I did last weekend will be enough to get me around 26 miles because I am not going to manage to find time to do another long run.

Nessie might have to wait until next year. But I am not cancelling anything just yet. Will wait and see.

Anyway, got to go might actually be feeling a bit sleepy, finally. Quite possibly Booze Patrol Australia is putting me to sleep.

don't worry, be happy :)

De-stressing and inspiration...

I am sitting enjoying a cup of tea and some toast after the longest day ever.

The reason my day was long was we had another of our all staff development days. Since the three Edinburgh and Lothian's colleges merged a year ago we have been having these staff development days. The basically consist of the day starting with coffee, then the Principal blabs on a bit with no one listening, we then have to meet in groups and do some nonsensical task which no one is interested in, then we hang about in huge queues for lunch, then listen to someone rabbiting on, back into team time and then if we are lucky we get to sneak away before the boring q and a session later where all the moaners come out and harangue the Principal! This may be simplifying it but I just can't be bothered with any of it.

So in an attempt to make something of my day I started it with a swim before work at the pool in Penicuik. This was great I was raring to go. Got to work and stopped at the pond at the back of the College to take in some fresh air before heading inside.

This was very calming and I wandered into the college in a good mood. Now the day panned out just as I'd imagined. Which is fine, if that is what they want us to do with our day, fine by me!

I am of the opinion that no matter what we want or say the management team have a job to do and will do it the way they think best and we won't have a lot of influence upon that. This helps me not get stressed about the whole situation. You guys know me "don't worry, be happy". This attitude, however, I suspect drives the doom and gloomies daft because there is almost a culture at the moment where everyone must surely be stressed and depressed about all that goes on at work. But, I am sorry, I am just not. I know things might change, I know I could lose my job, but I could also have lost Alistair 2 years ago and still worry about him everyday so nothing at work can ever come that close. If I lose my job, I'll re-invent myself, I've done it before I'll do it again).

So to get myself away from the doom and gloom that inevitably becomes the lunchtime discussion I decided to head out for a run. I did get a few odd looks sneaking through with my running kit on past everyone having their lunch outside. Once I got past everyone I stretched my legs and headed into the park and off down towards the water. The sun came out, it was warm, quiet and the water was very calm. There was a wind but it was nice. The other thing I noticed very strongly was the smell of the seashore. Now this might seem odd but those that know me really well know that I suffer from chronic rhinitis and on the whole have absolutely no sense of smell (have had this for ten years) which generally means I can't really remember some smells, others I have in my memory but the seashore was one that caught me out. At the moment I have some sense of smell so I am enjoying rediscovering smells (good and bad). So I ran along really enjoying the smell of the seaside. There was lots of aeroplanes passing overhead and I was running along thinking that will be us in 9 weeks time going to Gran Canaria. I was running well and not really noticing my running which is brilliant to be that free at this point in my marathon training. I knew I only really had 30mins to be out running as our lunch was only for an hour so I cracked on quite fast. And you know what 26mins!!!! for 3 miles. If that had been on a measured distance it would have been an all time PB for me!

Worked my way back through my colleagues and headed to get changed, pleased with my PB!

One of the morning's tasks had been to consider how to de-stress in the workplace. I found it hard to actually identify points at which I get "stressed". I think I get busy, I get frustrated, I get hassled but stressed? Not sure I ever get stressed. I got stressed when Alistair was in hospital for 4 weeks, having nearly died and I was juggling work, kids, housework, visiting the hospital twice a day. But nope work doesn't get me that stressed. Again, not a popular view at the moment, and I do keep that quiet because it does seem to be the culture that we should all be stressed up to the nines. I am just not.

We had a great discussion about what things stop us getting stressed. One colleague said she has an allotment and well me it's running. Another colleague laughed and said "it must be like a drug". I think it probably is, I am totally addicted to the endorphins. I love running. I spent 26 mins out at lunchtime and I was chilled, happy, content and felt completely alive. I have been following Vicki who is running 26 marathons in 26 days (up and down the Royal Mile) http://vickiweitz.moonfruit.com/#/blog/4564207122. Her daily blogs have been an inspiration, she has dealt with injury, emotions and feelings in a way that I could only hope to reproduce. I have been thinking about trying the D33 in March and have gradually been bringing myself round to the idea. I am not brave, and I am technically not that good at running (I have just stuck at it a long time more than anything) and reading Vicki's blogs and running with her have given me the inspiration to crack on with my ambitions.

So what are my ramblings all about today. Well here goes:

1. Running is bloody good for you!
2. Work staff development days are not!

Don't worry, be happy!

Running in the Royal Botanic Gardens of Edinburgh....

Got up this morning at what seemed a ridiculous hour for a Sunday morning (I know it was only 7 o'clock but I was tired and cosy). It was absolutely chucking it down and the thought of going all the way into town to run 3 miles was not a great one. However, I mostly entered this race because it ran through the Botanic Gardens in Edinburgh. When I lived in Leith in the early years of Alistair and I's marriage I used to frequently run past the Botanics and into Inverleith and wish the nice people in the Botanics would let me run just once around the gardens. So I couldn't turn up the opportunity to actually be allowed to do it!

I got to Inverleith at around 8.15am and headed off to pick up my number and drop my bag. The rain had dried up by this point and it was turning into a really nice morning. I chatted to some people in the queue for the numbers and really noticed the nice feeling about this race. I think because it was a Jog Scotland event there was no ego's, no pre-race chatter about how fast you thought you were going to go or how tough particular bits of the course were. It was just a nice supportive feeling.

Got my number and then headed off to find the toilets. I sat on the floor inside the building and pinned on my number.

Once my number was pinned on I headed off to hand in my bag to the baggage tent. I wandered back towards the start line and who should I bump into but a running buddy from Penicuik, Alia. Alia and I live really near each other and bump into each other on training runs and at different races. She is really nice and just a bit running bonkers like me! She was there with a few of her running chums and her sister Nadia who is home for a visit from Dubai.

We had a bit of a giggle during the warm up. Nadia was taking it very seriously whereas Alia and I were totally unco-ordinated and not taking the whole thing seriously at all. Alia kept on saying that she was glad it was only 5K as she was too tired to do anything else. I was feeling guilty that I was only running 5K when I should really be turning out a 15 miler for my marathon training (which I am going to do tomorrow for the record.) Anyway, warm up over we headed for the start. We walked towards the start line and then the whole field realised we were facing the wrong way. Very amusing to watch the looks on the faces of the people who thought they had safely gone to the back of the field only to find themselves at the front!!! So runners sorted out, we waited for the hooter to start us on our way.

At 9am we set off for our 5K. Very quickly I realised that maybe Alia and I were hasty in being so relaxed about it only being a 5K. I had totally underestimated my own ability and had stood at the back of the field where I normally go in a race. I was forgetting that this was a run for people who predominately had just started running and were challenging themselves to their first race. I got totally stuck in a bottle neck as we ran into the botanics. I was faster than the runners I was stuck behind. So I managed to get myself past them and then my shoe lace came out!!!! This was turning into a harder run than I had imagined. Shoelace tied and crowds negotiated I was finally free to run in my own space. That is when I noticed I was running past the Chinese Garden and then the Palm House. This is great I thought, I am finally getting to run in the Botanics. Then I hit the first hill. Blooming heck I thought didn't really expect hills (although I know they are there I have pushed buggies up them often enough in the past). Then we headed out of the Botanics and into Inverleith Park.

 It was a odd part of the route as there were several doglegs. 

It was a really good route for this type of run because there were runners everywhere, so anyone who was finding it tough there was a lot of support. I was also smiling as there were loads of Jog Leaders all the way around motivating and supporting their runners. I had a lady behind me shouting "you are doing great, we are nearly there, you have nearly done it". She was of course supporting her own runners but it helped me too. It was a fabulously supportive atmosphere, more so than a non jog scotland race where there a huge variety of abilities. Fabulous.

Last dogleg done I was feeling really good but sure my time wasn't great (hadn't looked at my watch) but knew where the finish line was so picked up my pace to head for the finish line. Got round the corner saw the finish flags and then took a quick glance at my watch - 27 mins. Yeah, I had wanted 28 mins and was under it. So I ran as fast as I could to that finish line.

I crossed the finish line in 27:30 mins. I met Alia at the end and we both laughed at how you should never underestimate even a 5K! It was a tough course with a lot of hills, it is Edinburgh afterall we shouldn't have expected less. We stood and watched for the rest of Alia's group to come in and it was really great cheering everyone on to the finish line and watching the delight on everyone's faces at the end of their very own challenges. Great atmosphere.

Oh and there was a great wee goodie bag - got a fabby running belt for holding all my gels. 

I am a Jog Scotland Jog Leader but since Alan (the other Jog Leader) left at the college I haven't really done anything about it at work. Maybe this is the year to start trying to get a group together. I saw a slogan on someone's t-shirt which said "Running is cheaper than therapy" and whilst it raised a smile it also made me think how true. I have said before running is not about exercise for me it is about wellbeing and a healthy lifestyle. We work in a stressful environment and maybe I could help some people with that by sharing my passion for running and encouraging them to take up the 5K challenge. Will need to work on that when I go back. 

Great way to start Sunday morning. Will need to motivate myself to get out tomorrow to do my 15 miles - maybe not so easy!!!! 

don't worry, be happy :)